


Still In Love With You

by donniexdarko



Category: La La Land (2016)
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/M, La La Land, Ryan Gosling - Freeform, Sexy, Smut, emma stone - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 02:46:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10323839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniexdarko/pseuds/donniexdarko
Summary: At the end of La La Land, Mia and Sebastian lock eyes across the room of Sebastian's club. After that night, Mia can't stop thinking about him, and decides she has to see him again. She goes back to Sebastian's club, and confesses how she feels. (18+ readers only for graphic sex, this is an alternate ending to La La Land)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: there is graphic sex in this fanfic. :)

Mia’s POV

The moment I step out of Sebastian’s club I feel a painful ache in my chest. This isn’t how our story is supposed to end. My head feels cloudy and my heart is beating rapidly in my chest. I can’t deny that I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved Sebastian. He was my world when I was younger, and he still is. I got married three years ago, and my husband is lovely and he’s a great person and he cares about me, but he’s _not Sebastian_. I knew deep down, all those years ago, that nobody would ever be able to replace Sebastian. Randomly walking into Seb’s felt like a kick to the chest. I never expected to see him again, let alone stumble across his successful jazz club that we always used to dream about.    

The moment our eyes locked across the busy club, my breath caught in my throat. God, he was still so beautiful. He never changed. There was sadness in his blue eyes as he stared at me, a sadness I’m positive wasn’t there before. It had been so long since those big blue eyes had stared into mine. Nostalgia tore through me as I looked at him. A painful but genuine smile crossed his face, and he seemed to be feeling the same way I did. I used to wonder if he ever thought about me too, and now it appears I have my answer. The pain is written all over his beautiful face.

I’m unable to move as I hold back tears and give him my best attempt at a smile back, and he nods his head. He thinks I’m happy. If only he knew how much I longed for him. How much I want him and _need_ him. 

He turns his head back to the piano and gets lost in another song, just like he always does. I feel like this is where I’m supposed to leave but my brain is no longer communicating with the rest of my body, and I feel like I’m frozen in time. I can’t leave. I feel like this is a now-or-never situation. I’m paralyzed with the fear that I might never see him again.

My husband walks back down the stairs and gently brushes the back of my arm, snapping me back into reality. “You coming Mia?” he asks and I gulp and nod my head.

“Yeah, let’s go,” I say, defeated and disappointed in myself. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good guy. But if I’m being brutally honest with myself, I know I’ll never love him like I loved Sebastian.

_________________________

 

It’s been two weeks since that night in Seb’s club, and I can’t stop thinking about Sebastian. The way his long fingers slid across the piano keys, the same way they used to slide across my skin. I get goosebumps just imagining it. My husband and I haven’t had sex in months and he’s become very absent minded. He’s not romantic in the same way Sebastian was. The same way Sebastian _is_. I didn’t fail to notice that he chose to play _our_ song that night in the club. He wants me to remember what we had. What we’re missing out on.

It’s a Saturday night and my husband is out of town on business. I’m bored and alone and I have nothing better to do, so I decide to go to Seb’s. It’s probably not the greatest idea I’ve ever had, and maybe it’s something I’ll regret later, but I need to see him again. There’s a gaping hole in my heart and I know Sebastian is the only one who can fill it.

I decide on a navy-blue dress, similar to the dress I wore on the very first night we met, and head out the door. I feel nervous as my driver takes me to the club, my stomach is twisting and turning and I’m thinking maybe this isn’t such a great idea. I’m about to tell my driver to turn around when we pull up in front of the club. “Mrs. Dolan,” he says softly.

“Thank you, Harold,” I say to my driver as I quickly step out of the car and make my way inside. I pass by the glowing neon blue Seb’s sign, and make my way down the stairs. There’s no turning back now. My heart is thudding loudly in my chest as the club comes into full view, and I quickly scan the crowd, searching for his face. It’s dark in the club and it’s so crowded, a sea of a hundred faces.

And then I see him. He’s facing toward the stage, but I can easily tell it’s him, with his perfectly clipped blonde hair and his wide stance. His hands are in his pockets as he nods his head along to the sound of the music. He turns his head to the side and talks to the man standing next to him, his blonde hair falling in his eyes, and the veins in his neck bulging as he yells over the music to talk with him. His profile is incredibly sexy, and so is his black on black suit. He can fill out a suit like you would not believe.

I decide to order a drink and hang in the back, I don’t want to be noticed just yet. I want to watch from afar as the man I love gets to live his dream. I start to wonder if he’s seen any of my movies over the last few years, but then I stop myself – of course he has. Sebastian is as loyal as they come. He’s always been incredibly supportive of my career, I have no doubt he’s seen some of my movies. For once, I just want to watch him live _his_ dreams.

Another thirty minutes’ pass of Sebastian sitting in the crowd and chatting with other musicians, so close yet so far. Then he finally stands and takes the stage as the crowd’s applause dies down. I’m sitting far enough in the back that I’m sure he can’t see me with the spotlight glowing on him. “Thank you, thanks for coming out tonight!” he thanks the crowd and the sound of his voice rattles me to my core. He has the kind of voice that you can feel all the way down to your stomach.           

“This next song is a song I recently wrote about a lost love of mine… The one who got away, if you will. This is for all the romantics out there. I hope you enjoy it,” he says as he takes his place behind the piano. My stomach flip flops and I’m pretty sure I can’t breathe. He wrote another song about me? I guess I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, he could’ve dated many girls in the past five years. Am I selfish to assume it’s about me?

He takes his seat at the piano, stretching his spine and licking his lips. He takes off his jacket and hangs it over the back of the seat, and then he rolls up the sleeves of his black button-down t-shirt. The entire audience watches in anticipation as he starts to play the first few notes. That’s just another thing I admire about Sebastian – his ability to captivate his audience. The notes to the song sound similar to our song, but sadder. After the slow beginning, his fingers start flying across the piano, and the music sounds sad and nostalgic. His hair falls in his eyes as a look of pure concentration and emotion takes over him. I’m holding my breath, watching him play as our life together flashes before my eyes. I remember the _little_ things, the way he would lean in closer to hear me whisper and I would catch his scent, or the way his eyes would light up when he had an idea. The way his hair would fall across my forehead when he laid on top of me, forehead to forehead. The way his fingers touched me as gently and delicately as he touched his piano. The way his soft fingertips would brush my hair out of my eyes. The way his body moved when he danced with me, so careless and young and free. The way we used to dream about the lives we have today.

I’m lost in a kaleidoscope of memories, when the song comes to an end. There’s a moment of silence before the crowd erupts in applause and I feel tears blurring my vision. The song he played was so beautiful, but so sad. I’m suddenly hit with a storm of emotion and rage as I think about us and everything that’s changed. I hate that we aren’t together. We are meant to be together and it’s killing us both and I’m tired of wasting time. He composes himself and takes a deep breath before turning to the crowd and mouthing ‘thank you’.

After Sebastian finishes performing, the crowd starts to clear out of the club. I order myself another drink and try to work up the courage to go and talk to him.

Twenty minutes and two drinks later, I decide I need to stop being a pussy and just go up to him. That’s what I came here to do and that’s what I’m going to do. He’s sitting at a table just in front of the stage, drinking and chatting with a different guy sitting next to him. I awkwardly walk up from behind and tap his left shoulder. He spins around, and his forehead wrinkles in confusion before he looks up at me. His blue eyes widen and he immediately stands to his feet. “Mia,” he says, under his breath, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m real.

“Hi,” I say, nervously looking back and forth between him and the man sitting next to him, who is also looking up at me curiously.

“God, um, what are you doing here?” he asks.

“I just… I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you on all your success,” I say, looking around the club. “This place is amazing Sebastian.”

His eyes look at me with so much longing, as if he’s been waiting to share this success with me for a very long time. “Thanks Mia,” he says softly. “I also want to congratulate you on all of your success. My god Mia, you did it. You’re a huge star,” he says, his blue eyes shining brightly.

“Thank you… It’s really all because of you. I would’ve never gone to that audition if you didn’t make me. That’s what started it all. I’m grateful and I never got the chance to thank you for that,” I say, biting my lip and trying not to tear up.

“Oh, come on, you would’ve been a big star either way and you know it,” he says confidently.

“Maybe,” I say. “But it’s because of you that I’m successful today,” I say and he cuts me off.

“Pishy-caca,” he says, and we both burst into laughter.

“I didn’t know how much I missed hearing you say that,” I say, looking down at my feet. I can feel his eyes on me even when I look away.

“I’m just closing the club for the night, if you want to come over and have a drink with me I’d love to catch up,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That sounds great,” I say, smiling.

“Great,” he says. “I should be ready to go in about ten minutes.”

 

________________________________

 

We drive to Sebastian’s place in a nice Riviera convertible black car, the same model as his old red convertible, but nicer. He stops the car in a nice neighborhood and we walk up to his front door. I’m surprised by how lovely his place is. It’s typical Sebastian, plain and simple with coffee mugs and piano sheet music everywhere. The record player is on a small table beside his piano, and there’s a framed photo of his sister and her husband on the wall. It’s a small apartment, but it’s nice and its’ definitely an improvement over his last place. It’s as if he’s changed in all these little ways, but he’s still the same. He’s the same old-fashioned guy who can afford better things now. I suppose I’m the same way.

“You’re not talking,” he says, handing me a glass of wine.

“Sorry I’m just taking it all in, I love this place,” I say, taking the glass and bringing it to my lips. He holds up a glass of wine and takes a sip of his.

“Yeah, I like this place a lot too, and it’s a lot closer to the club,” he says. “Here, sit down,” he says, moving some sheet music off the couches and patting a spot.

I sit on the black leather couch, and he takes a seat next to me, but not too close to me that he’s touching me. “When did you open your club?” I ask.

“Two years ago,” he says. “It was kind of a struggle to get it up and running but now it does okay,” he says, modestly.

“I think it does more than okay,” I say laughing.

“It’s a fun time. It’s exactly what I always dreamed it would be,” he says, smiling at me with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’m really happy for you, it’s incredible, really,” I say, nodding my head.

He takes another sip of his wine and bites his lip in thought before he asks me “What about you? How’s life as an actress? Is it everything you dreamed it would be?”

“Yes and no,” I say, honestly. I never admitted even to myself that it’s not exactly everything I always imagined it would be.

“Yes and no?” he asks, his eyes sparkling with concern and curiosity.

“It’s incredible and I’m grateful obviously, but it can get really lonely filming a movie for months at a time in a foreign country, or on the road promoting a movie for weeks at a time. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but I also miss being home,” I say, not sure exactly how to explain what I’m feeling.

“I get what you mean. Sometimes when I’m home I don’t even feel like I’m home…” he says thoughtfully and my heart swells in my chest. I’m not sure how to tell him I don’t feel like I’m at home unless I’m with him. He looks at me then and we just stare at each other for a moment, all of our past laid out in front of us, all we can think about.

“I’m sorry I never tried to see you again,” I blurt out, “After shooting the movie in Paris… It had been months since we’d seen each other and I didn’t know where we were relationship-wise and…”

“Mia, stop,” he says, leaning forward and setting his wine glass on the coffee table in front of us. “You don’t need to apologize, it’s not your fault. Hell, I think it’s my fault for not trying harder to reach out to you, but I always assumed you were busy. I assumed you were happy,” he says, running his fingers through his hair.

“I was happy… But I missed you a lot,” I admit, biting my lip and desperately trying not to cry.

“I missed you every single day. There were so many times I almost flew out to Paris just to see you but I stopped myself,” he says and I can feel my heart in my throat.

“Why? Why did you stop yourself?” I ask.

“Because you were living your dreams Mia. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. I thought you were happy. You were getting to do what you always wanted to do,” he says.

“I would’ve been happier with you. I wanted you there with me, experiencing this all with me. I never expected us to drift apart,” I say, my eyes frantically looking back and forth between his.

“I didn’t expect us to drift apart either… That isn’t what I wanted. I wanted you, Mia. God, I still want you,” he says, dropping his head in his hands.

“It wasn’t over for me then, Sebastian,” I say, my voice cracking a little when I say his name.

“It’s not over for me Mia. I haven’t been able to move on and it’s been five fucking years. I guess I was just hoping you would eventually find your way back to me. I fucking love you Mia,” he says and I cut him off with my mouth. I couldn’t control myself anymore, I wanted him now more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and crushed my mouth against his. Sebastian seemed caught off guard for a split second before he moaned into my mouth. My body hummed with need as he sank back against the couch and I threw my legs on either side of him, sitting on his lap. His fingertips found my waist and pulled me close to him as he tilted his head and opened his mouth, fusing our mouths together. _Oh god_. He kept one hand gripped firmly on my waist and he used his other hand to run his fingers through my hair.

I forgot how good Sebastian is at using his tongue. His pink lips are soft and his mouth is warm, and his taste is so familiar. I feel like I’m twenty-six years old again when I’m with him.

I rub my entire body against his and he lets out the softest whimper against my lips. His tongue circles mine at the same moment I feel his hard erection pressing against me. It’s a good thing we are already sitting because I feel weak in the knees and I suddenly crave him with a need so desperate it scares me.

I pull my mouth away and trail wet kisses down his neck and the smell of his cologne is familiar and intoxicating. He’s so vulnerable like this, his body shaking with need under me. I love it.

“Mia,” he whispers, his voice gravelly and raspy and so incredibly sexy.

“Take me to your room,” I whisper in his ear before gently sucking on it and he lets out another soft moan. Without a moment of hesitation, he lifts me off the couch with very little effort and I wrap my legs around him as he carries me to his bedroom.

He throws me on his giant king-sized bed, and tears off his black jacket. I watch him in the darkness of the room with only the moonlight streaming in through the window. He quickly unbuttons his black shirt, and pulls it off his shoulders. I have to physically stop my mouth from dropping open at the sight of his bare chest. Looks like someone has spent a lot of time at the gym over the years. His abs are incredible, even more chiseled than I remember them being. And his biceps are bigger than my head. I gasp as he crawls toward me, his warm body hovering above mine.

His blue eyes are glassy with desire and his lips are red and swollen from all the kissing. I forgot how intimidating he is in the bedroom, and how he’s so sexy when he’s in control and he wants sex. He leans down and takes my bottom lip in his mouth, as his hand starts exploring my body. He gently caresses my breast and uses his other hand to keep himself propped up above me. I rub my hands up and down his back, feeling goosebumps spread across his bare skin. Sebastian thrusts his hips against mine and I can feel how hard he is and I moan into his mouth. He trails his fingertips to my waist line, and lifts my dress around my waist, then gently tugs down my panties. I gasp as his fingers reach in between my thighs, and he strokes his fingers upwards. I grip the back of his neck tightly and moan into his mouth as he plunges a finger inside of me. “Seb,” I moan, as he slowly works another finger inside of me, and curls them upward.

He pulls his lips away from my mouth and starts trailing wet kisses down my body. I sit up and pull my dress up and over my head, carelessly tossing it on the floor. He licks at all the exposed skin on my chest and my belly button, until his head is in between my thighs. I grip the short hair on the back of his head as he pushes his tongue inside of me and swirls it around. I let out a moan so loud it could wake the dead as he continues stroking me with his tongue. I _really_ _really_ forgot how good Sebastian is at using his tongue. His hot breath blows across my exposed flesh and I rock my hips against his mouth as his tongue sweeps across my clit in long strokes. “Fuck, Sebastian,” I gasp as I come so fast and so unexpectedly. He moans loudly as my body shakes against him, and he slides his hands up and down my thighs, licking me clean.

He crawls back up the bed and his eyes are so dark and full of lust it takes my breath away. I’m still struggling to catch my breath when I look down at his lap and see his giant erection tenting his pants. “Why are you still wearing pants?” I ask, reaching for his waist.

He laughs slightly as he unbuttons his pants and drags his zipper down, and then he pulls his briefs off with them. His cock juts out and bobs up against his stomach and my mouth waters. Sebastian’s cock is long and thick and exactly how I remember it. _Exactly_ what I need.

He lazily strokes his cock while looking down at me and watching him touch himself is so sexy it’s almost too much for me to bear. I reach for his shoulders to pull him close to me, and he lowers his body towards me and gently presses his lips to mine. “I love you Mia Dolan,” he says softly. Of course, Sebastian has to be romantic while I’m desperately humping his leg with need. But I know it’s never _just sex_ for him. It’s always more than that.

“I love you too Sebastian,” I say, ad he licks his lip as he stares down at me with so much desire swirling in his eyes. He grabs the head of his cock and brings it to my entrance, slowly thrusting his hips as the head of his cock penetrates me. I gasp and I clutch onto his shoulders as his hands find my hips, and his blonde hair falls in his eyes.

I realize I’ve never been with a man as thick as he is, since I’ve been with him, and our bodies fit together so perfectly. He thrusts his hips against me and I wrap my legs around his waist, as he pants. “Oh, Mia,” he moans, biting his lip and rocking his body against me at a steady rhythm. The way my name rolls of his tongue is intoxicating, and the friction of his cock pulsing inside of me feels so good. I can feel him everywhere. In my rapidly beating heart, in my fingertips, on my waist, all the way down to my toes. I rest my hands against his chest and feel his nipples harden as he continues rocking his hips over me.

“It’s so fucking deep,” he moans, when he slides all the way in, and I moan in his ear.

My body starts shaking and I know that I’m close. He fills me up in a way I know no one else ever could. I run my hands up and down his strong arms and feel his strong biceps and before I know it, I’m coming so hard I’m seeing black dots dance across my vision.

“Jesus Christ,” Sebastian curses as his body shakes on top of me, and I can feel his cock twitch inside of me, releasing all the pressure.

He presses his full weight against me now, trying to catch his breath as he pushes my hair out of my eyes. “I love you Mia. I love you so much,” he says, pressing his lips to my forehead.

“I love you too Seb… I never stopped."            

**Author's Note:**

> La La Land is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I have been wanting to write a fanfic about it since I saw the movie a few months ago. I wanted to write an alternate ending but I also really wanted to write a smutty sex scene since they never had a sex scene in the movie lol, so I just combined those ideas and did them both in this short little fanfic. This is probably all I'm going to write for this, I'm not going to be adding any more to it, I just wanted to experiment writing with these characters and it was super fun! I love these character so much! Let me know what you think! It would be super awesome if you left a comment or a kudos! I would super appreciate it.


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